I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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