I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
