Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
