I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just googled if crying burns calories
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
