hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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