No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize