tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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