What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
