yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my shit smells like andre
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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