When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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