fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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