Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
