There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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