if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
