Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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