It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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