help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
