I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
