you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
