ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
