Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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