That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
