I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
