"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
