NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
