Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
