Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole