I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun