We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just cropdusted the office
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch