She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life