I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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