Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
