I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize