I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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