Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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