Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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