guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize