i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
