My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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