he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
