I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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