I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
