I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
