Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
