I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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