if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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