Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
