During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
