tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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