I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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