normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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