Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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