he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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