Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
