I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
