Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
