you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
