Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
