Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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