he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
