After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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