im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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