He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize