I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
