You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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