thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
