What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
