so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
