Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
