Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
