I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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