dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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